this is a fanfic sex post
alright you ao3 bastards listen up
ain’t no one give a fuck about a lack of fanfic realism in fanfic porn. ain’t no one wanna read your how-to lesson plan of buttfuckin for fellow fandomites thinly disguised as fic
do you know the hell i went though
son, i’ve been in fandom since 1998. i’ve been in the battle trenches of fanfic porn since 2000. ~yaoi~ used to have no buttsex at all, and then it had magic glide-in buttsex and self-lubricating buttholes and actual phrases like “boypussy” ok that was a real thing
2013 is like a renaissance of pretend sex man
now we have condoms and lube and fingering not necessarily as a preparatory act and buttholes actually get called buttholes
be grateful you little shits
does anybody else just say “no” out loud in a deadpan voice as they exit out of bad fic or is that just me
i am looking forward to “elementary” but mostly i am looking forward to seeing what a fandom built largely upon spite will be like
some interesting fanfiction i’ll tell you what: “and then sherlock placed his lips upon joan’s, who was a woman and also lucy liu. and they kissed. with tongues. neither of them were benedict cumberbatch at all.”
Sabriel HSAU where Sam’s a jock who’s a closet comic book lover and Gabe’s the hyperactive store clerk who works at the comic and candy store.
Title: Of Asgardians and Hulks
Rating: PG (with a little bad language)
Pairings: Sabriel, Barry/Amy, implied Destiel
Author’s Notes: I guess the idea of Gabriel as a comic book store clerk is popular? As I am a comic book geek, I can get behind it. Since the above request was sent to me directly, I’ll be using that as the basis for this fic, but I tagged the relevant people in case they are interested in a little comic book!Sabriel loving. I know nothing of soccer, but I made him a soccer player because I think I remember Sam having a little league soccer trophy or something? I dunno, just go with it.
Some highschool first time Sabriel!
Genre: Awkward Fluff
Author’s Notes: Short little first time, highschool!AU, with Sam trying to be spontaneous and failing spectacularly.
God gives Sam Gabriel’s grace for a week as punishment for failing in his duties as an archangel — Gabriel gets feelings of inadequacy.
Pairings: Sabriel, Destiel
Author’s Notes: I ended up making this a bit more Sam-centric than I was intending to, but it follows the basic prompt. Lollipops ahead.
Anonymous asked: “So you really think I should ask Hagrid out?” asked Mark, his eyes wide. “I have always thought,” said Uncle Iroh, his face wide in a smile, “that it is best to follow your heart.” He sipped deep from his cup. “And my heart is telling me to go brew another pot of that delicious tea you own! You have very good taste.”
H E L P
Rocket Launch, a F!Soldier/Engineer fic
Title: Rocket Launch
Fandom/Pairing: Team Fortress 2; F!Soldier/Engineer
Rating/Warnings: NC-17, graphic sex, multilingual profanity
Summary: Engineer likes to look up Soldier’s skirt while she rocket jumps, Soldier doesn’t take shit from BLU, and nobody thinks to check for a Dead Ringer.